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Day 6: Have I said how much I hate doctors?

So, to get officially fired here in Brazil, you need to be cleared by a doctor that will confirm that I am not sick and I have no problems at all. Usually it takes 2 minutes where the doctor look at you and ask few questions. I went there today and doctor looked at me and say:

– Are you single?

– Yes, Sir! – I answered.

– Where do you live? – he kept asking me.

– Close to here – I said.

– Hmm I need to send some doctors around to check if the men in this neighborhood have some problems with their vision.

– Ha? (nerd face)

– They might all be blind, because it’s not acceptable that a woman like you are single.¬†– He said while checking me looking from up to down.

– Can I still be fired even if I am single?

– Unfortunately you can. But I still hope you get a boyfriend soon. Remember, don’t give up. A man needs a woman, just like a woman needs a man!

– Errr, ok, thanks!

 

I left hating every second that I had to spend inside his office. And how inconvenient…

The rest of the day was also a struggle. So warm and I had to walk half of the city to do stuff. But I hope that tomorrow I am done with this so busy schedule… After all, I am officially jobless right? ūüėČ

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Day 5: Where is home?

The week has just started and today was a super busy day. Organized a bunch of stuff at my sister’s place before going to work at the non-profit. Now that I have time to dedicate myself there, I have so many things that it’s actually surprising how I thought I would manage both jobs.

My skin hurts from the beach yesterday, I am such a fake Brazilian, that always get sick after a day at the beach, crazy. But its summer, the worse time of the year for me, at least until I can’t have it an AC walking around with me 24 hours a day… Probably once I have this, I will start enjoying the summer…

As for my thought of the day, I have started looking for some ticket deals and travel plans… not much tho, but still… But I was caught by a memory of something that I heard in a movie the other day, saying that: “Home is where we are…” and I got myself thinking that I agree with it, but at the same time don’t feel home where I am. Probably because my thoughts are way too far away right now…

Sometimes I found myself being so¬†detached when it comes to where I live… My cousin was just in need of a place to crash for a few days and I said, sure, right away and let her stay there while I packed a couple of things and came to my sisters. Detached… probably because I don’t feel that is really my place, my home.. it’s just a place where I crash myself for a while…

but if one could ever know how I anxious I feel for not having a place to call home…

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Day 4: Washing my soul…

So our beach time yesterday didnt work out, but today my cousin showed up pretty early, we stop to buy some snacks and drinks and headed to the beach, Praia do Paiva, which is South of Recife, about 30 minutes from my sister’s place. It was me, my cousin Angelo, my sister Barbara and her friend Renato. And we had such a great time there. But most of all I was able to finally relax after all the stress from the last days and feel that I was washing my soul with the ocean water…

Its a fact that I have tanned way too much, and maybe drunk way too much as well, but all is great. Perfect to renew my energy and start just another busy week.

Surprisily, my mind is kind of empty right now and I cant think much about what to write, but actually, this is a good thing, Seems that my time at the ocean was indeed, useful ūüôā

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Day 3: “I walk through the world but where are my friends?”

Working meeting last night was pretty good. I have a bunch of new goals and work to have it done until end of February. But that’s probably all. From March until June, I wont have much going on,¬†except¬†all the study and reading that I want to focus on it. Not sure when I will have the motivation to start looking for a new job or if I ever will. I totally feel that its time for me to invest in something on my own… Thoughts for later tho..

 

My cousin didn’t show up nor even called me to cancel our beach plans. After wait for a while, I called him and he apologize, he ended up making plans to go out with some girls and bla bla bla. Fine! Went back to bed and watched¬†Scott Pilgrim Vs The World that Alex said that it was such a great movie and I should watch it, so I did. Hmm It was like a typical guys movie for me. Not like great movie, but it was ok. Maybe with some company I would have enjoyed better, but anyway.

Company will actually be a big issue now while living in Recife. I gotta say that it will suck. While working 2 jobs and keeping myself as much busy as possible, I didn’t have much time left to notice the fact that I don’t have friends in this city anymore. But now, with a bunch of free time, it will be hard to ignore.

And why I don’t have friends here, you may ask. Few reasons, I guess. One, it’s that my old friends have moved on with their lives while I was living around the world. We eventually keep contact, but everyone is kind of busy, married, with kids, and having their own personal drama to deal with and I no longer fit their lives. Same with me. I lost the interesting in a few people who I used to be friends with and I feel no longer connected with them. It’s the typical, life moves on. No one to blame, it’s just a fact.

Another fact is that I have this forever desire of scape from Recife as soon as possible. Since I can’t remember. No matter how hard I try or how long I end up staying here, my heart is not fully happy, satisfy… This heat is killing me tho and I always feel that I don’t belong here.

But see, even tho I always felt this way, in the past I was able to make friends. Such as friends at school, friends from work, friends from the Theater class or whatever. But since that I got back I wasnt able to it. People from work, are people from work, no matter how friendly they seem to be. They are not people who I would call out if I needed something, nor people who I would call to hang out on a Saturday.

So this is something that I should either work on it, getting new friends, or I should forget about it and get out of here.

The good thing tho, and there is always a good thing, it’s that, family has been a big part of my life since that I got back. Specially the side of my family that I have been avoiding for a long time. I am happy with the chance to reconnect with them and have a great time. I can say that most of my great family moments in 2010 were with and thanks to them.

But now, its time for some exercise… 2011 running to be beautiful! ūüôā

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Day 2: Starting the Journey

Amy’s concert was pretty good and I had the chance to meet a bunch of friends that I haven’t seen in ages. I guess my social life has been too boring, even tho I dont complaint. I like the way it is. But still is fun to be able to meet up with friends more often, and I am sure that being “on vacation” for a while now, it will make this possible.

So today I start my journey when it comes to be moving around. I will spend about 15 days at my sister’s place, probably after that I will spend a week at the beach house. After that, I should have a more clear mind about few things that is already going on inside my head and I will be able to make decisions.

Will I leave the country right away? Will I stay here and try new work projects?

A lot of people will tell me these days that “one door that closes, open another one”. But for me is different. This door I have been trying to close for a while and thanks God is finally close. But means that now I will have to decide about at least 2 new doors. They are right in front of me, wild open and calling my attention. Which way should I take it?

And it’s not like there is one bad and one good. Both are good ways to go but they will take me to totally different directions. I have the feeling that no matter where I go, my future will bright and happy, but still, at some point, I will have to make a decision. And for someone who can’t hardly decide about what to wear, what to pack, which glasses go out today, imagine when it comes to a decision that will absolutely change my life…

I am afraid to say that I will¬†postpone¬†this decision as long as possible. And for a while I will be living one day after another, until my heart and mind gets in full harmony about which door I should go through…

As for work, meeting at the non-profit this evening and tomorrow is beach time! ūüôā

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Day 1: The Plan!

So my main plan is to keep this blog for 1 year! 365 days. And yes, I do need to write every single day. Excuses might be accepted, in case I am traveling and have no internet connection, or something really drastic happens, which I hope, we hope, it wont happen, right? But I want to make a record of the next year right after I lost my job. And why is that, you may ask. And my answer is pretty simple, because I want to show people and prove myself, that loosing a job is not a bad thing. The actually big deal about it, its that now I have time and can focus again in something that will bright my life and my future, because my last job was something that was making me extremely sick and I had no future whatsoever.

Just for the record, because I wont be talking much about my last job, I really wanna focus in the future, but I wanted to be fired. This is was something that was hoping that would happen, even tho I¬†wasn’t¬†seeing any possibility for a while, but than, voil√†, it happened. And Thanks God it did! The process during was way¬†stressful, but the last day was kind of good. So I am happy about it!

Lets move on!

So here I am, day 1! ¬†As expected I am not depressive or sad. I am relieved. There are a lot of stress in my body and soul right now, but I will be taking care of this in the next days. If you think that I will be making a whole bunch of plans right now, I am sorry for¬†disappointing¬†you, but I wont. Its now time for me to take care of myself, and relax… Probably do very little in the next days. My mind tho will be¬†popping¬†with ideas, and arguments and issues. I will registering here as much as I can. This way I can sit back and read about it later this month.

But today is just day one and I am allow to have some fun and celebrate. For those of you who cant join me for real, enjoy me while listening to what I will be listening live tonight:

Janelle Monae – Cold War
Mayer Hawthorne – Maybe So Maybe No
Amy Winehouse – Love is a losing game

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Day after Day, Dea after Dea

When I was in school, I remember to read the book¬†Sophie’s World. During a whole year, Philosophy¬†was part of my thoughts. I remember to be touched by couple of¬†philosophers, but in particular one who said something like: “we¬†shouldn’t¬†never name a river. It’s in constantly change”… If I am not wrong, and excuse me if I am, because see, it has been few years since I read this book, but anyway, if I am not wrong,¬†Heraclitus was the one who said that. But either way, if was really him or not, the point is that I feel the same. I feel that I am in constantly change. Everyday. Its like if I gather a few things and loose a couple of others, I learn and I forget, I born and I¬†bury,¬†but day after day, I am Dea after Dea.

And here I am. So many things had happened in the past years, many people crossed my way, many stories to tell, few others to learn from but forget about it, but I am the person who I could became after all this. After all the shit that had happened, all the pleasure, all the happiness and all the sadness, here I am, Dea, and let me tell you, I am damn proud of who I had become.

Being proud it¬†doesn’t¬†mean that I am blind. I know I am not perfect. And I do want to learn and improve a lot in the next days that will come, and I have started this blog with this idea of keep a record of my changes, of my learning, of my¬†improvement, through my mistakes and my mess, but proving the point that, day after day, I will be Dea after Dea.

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